Online Dating Blog

A reader recently wrote in with the following question after she had received a large number of emails after signing up for online dating:

The challenge that I have is that when I go online, I get so many views, flirts, im and email requests that it is impossible to finish my profile, search or anything else.

I did hide my profile for now so that I can work on my profile. Thanks. Is there a strategy for handling all the requests and sorting through these interested men efficiently?

If I have to hide my profile, I am not viewable and it seems to defeat the purpose of being on the site. I am happy for the interest and am truly not complaining.

As she had suggested, this is actually a good problem to have. Most of the people who contact me have the opposite problem where they receive little communication or have trouble receiving responses. Still, this is an issue that some women run into.

While I do have some thoughts on dealing with the situation, honestly in the beginning you’ll probably just have to put in some extra work to review all of your emails. Just remember that things could be much worse and try to have fun with it!

Handling Large Amounts of Communication

Vague Emails are a Bad Sign
The first step you can try is to identify emails from men who are not actually reading your profile. As I discuss in my online dating guide, there are some men who spam the same email message to many different women. Spotting these is not too difficult. You should be on the lookout for emails that are vague or are not specific to your profile. A vague email does not always mean the man is spamming the email, but it is a warning flag. On the other hand, any emails where the man specifically references something that was in your profile, well that’s a good sign.

Things May Slow Down Over Time
Simple patience can sometimes help, too. This is because after the first month or so the number of emails that a woman receives often decline. This has to do with men identifying and contacting the women new to the service, thanks in part to how dating services flag new members. However, if you continue to receive too many email messages, you could try requesting in your profile that any man who contacts you put something specific in the subject line of his email. For example, you could say: “If you put your favorite color in the subject line of your email, I’ll be sure to get back to you as quickly as possible!” This provides you with a way to recognize those men who have read your profile without even opening the email. Obviously you would not need to use colors and could instead make it related to something in your profile…you could really use anything you want. Just remember, this is a rather strange thing to request in your profile so I would only recommend this if you feel this is absolutely necessary.

Winks and Other “Weak” Communication
As for winks and views, I would recommend ignoring these as long as you are receiving a large number of emails. I would concentrate on communicating with those men who are sending actual emails or other tangible communication, such as IM. They’ve shown the right amount of interest for you to continue pursuing communicating with them. Obviously if you’re interested in a man who winks at you, you should absolutely communicate with them! I only make this recommendation to try to save you time as an email is a better start than a wink.

If You Are Hiding Your Profile…
As for hiding your profile, this can be necessary in some circumstances. However, if you are paying for a dating service and at the same time hiding your profile that’s not a good thing! If you do hide your profile, I would recommend that you set aside some time to go through all your communication to identify the men you are interested in and start communicating with them. It may take some extra work, but by doing this you provide yourself with more opportunities in the long run because you don’t want to leave your profile hidden for too long.