While filling out a dating profile, have you ever felt you were merely indulging in egotism, or worried over how to present yourself in an honest yet alluring fashion? I remember feeling a subtle yet smug satisfaction at being able to speak in depth about myself, what I wanted from a partner and posting my favourite pictures of myself. After all, who does not find some pleasure in showing the world how wonderful they can be? Yet, another layer of me felt conflicted about the process of creating a profile due to a fear of making statements about myself that I knew were not permanent truths, for while I said I am easy going, tension has a way of working itself into my life as well. Furthermore, I was feeling stressed over appearing uninteresting or not making myself attractive enough to warrant a message from a desirable individual.
Thankfully, I discovered methods that eased my discomfort in revealing my self-perception of myself in such depth and my worries of how it would all be received, and simultaneously helped me to learn how to create an effective profile. I let go of feeling egotistical by recognizing that my profile is not really about me. Sure, there is an about me section and it appears that all of the content revolves around me, but at the actual level, all of the content is about showcasing potential commonalities between the one who creates the profile and the one who is reading it. In other words, one’s profile is about creating the space for one person’s attributes to be known by another, and therefore discovering a theme of commonality between two people. After all, online dating is about forming connection, it is about finding someone with whom to dance in shared experience and growth, it is not about self indulgence. If we wanted to indulge in ourselves, why would we be looking to find love, which is selfless?
Alright, so how can we apply this perspective to our profiles? First, there is the intention, and to follow is the manifestation. For more on some of these points and our previous tips on writing an effective profile, check out our free guide and these articles.
1. Be positive and constructive
While writing out a portrait of ourselves and sharing what we enjoy, keep your sentences positive. This ensures your reader will be held in a positive mind-state while they form a first impression of your character.
An important manifestation of positivity is constructivism. I so often noticed that people would speak to their interests and then roll into speaking down about activities that do not align with their preferences. For example, one may write, “I am health conscious and love eating out, I would never be caught eating at a fast food restaurant.” While the quality of being health conscious is attractive and eating out is a past time shared by many, it is redundant to say that you do not want to eat at a fast food restaurant. Being health conscious implies you will make certain decisions about where to eat, and furthermore, you could be speaking down to something that your reader likes to do. This results in defensiveness, on however small a level.
2. Be efficient and communicative
We only have a small space to showcase ourselves and peak the interest of a potential partner. Thusly, it is beneficial to be concise and efficient with our communications. This does not mean we have to write in bullet form if we prefer crafting long sentences, it means that it helps to avoid redundance and make use of our photo section.
Our photos are the first thing that someone sees. It is a good idea to show a clear shot of our faces for the sake of determining physical attraction, but beyond this, we can tell people the activities we enjoy in images rather than in text. This increases the likelihood of someone spending the time in reading what you have written if they see you doing something that they also enjoy.
3. Mention things you want more of in your life
Mentioning activities that are intended to attract someone means that you will be attracting those same activities into your life. If you want to delve deeper into cooking, or if you want to take up something new, share these things. Alternatively, if you love to go to yoga but you reserve this for your Thursday mornings with the girls or the guys and do not want to involve your romantic interest, then it is not necessary to mention.
If you are developing certain qualities within yourself, such as generosity, honesty or strong determination, mentioning these things will help to connect you with someone who also values these same qualities and who is therefore more likely to practice incorporating them into their life. Even more than sharing in interests, sharing in the pursuit of developing qualities within ourselves creates a very strong foundation to a relationship, and shows people that you are someone who is on the path of self-growth and is therefore suitable for growing with another person.
4. Be honest
Above all else, maintain honesty. It is easy to fall into that game of manipulation, in attempting to craft the other’s perception of you to be glorious and admirable. However, if this is the true intention that is held while looking for a partner, it will not stop at the realm of your online profile. It will continue to manifest in countless forms as you develop a relationship with someone else, as well as in all areas of your life. Holding the intention of sharing yourself honestly in a way that is positive, efficient and productive, you increase the likelihood of not only receiving a message, but of connecting with someone who is truly compatible with you.