Online Dating Blog

A Wired article discusses a New York Times article that discusses one professor’s call to ban the words geek and nerd. From the article at NYT:

But David Anderegg, a professor of psychology at Bennington College, says that merely mentioning terms like nerd or geek serves to perpetuate the stereotype. The words are damaging, much like racial epithets, he says, and should be avoided.

This blows my mind because, as both a geek and a nerd, I have to say that these two groups are just now entering the greatest point in their history. Acceptance of being a nerd or a geek is at an all-time high. When I was growing up, people would quickly deny being a geek if they were accused of it. A nerd meant your only friend was math. But today, people are embracing these labels and finding overwhelming acceptance. I’ve heard it said “geek is the new cool” and even one of the comments in the Wired article mentions that “nerds are the new rockstars”. I think both of these comments take things a little too far but I will say any shame previously associated with these labels has all but disappeared.

To bring the argument back around to the main purpose of this blog, online dating, I was never secretive that I was geeky in my dating profile. I believe I made some kind of joke about being able to “out geek” any of the women I met. And you know what? I still had outstanding success dating online. True to my geek form, I analyzed what worked, what didn’t, changed a few approaches and was averaging two first dates a week the last few months. You know what else? The woman I met dating online who would eventually become my wife is a photography-geek and I love that.

Don’t turn around and ban something just when the people who make up that group are starting to thrive. Don’t even suggest doing so just to try and make some point about how society needs to make the stereotypes more welcoming. If some geek wants to deny being so just to improve his social standing with people he would never hang out with, he’s not smart enough to be in the club anyway. We shouldn’t argue that geeks are both intelligent and stupid in the same breath. It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that you can be a geek, wander online, and have more friends than any jock could dream of, finding acceptance and love from communities all over the world.

Wired discusses in their article:

Society has to take a role in this because the more nerds and geeks (which we are assuming are the smart people that will run this tech heavy world someday) that withdraw from the world due to social stigma the worse off we’ll be for it. The nerd that is getting pantsed right now at some high school just for being a math honk, could be the kid that was going to grow up to invent the cure for cancer. Instead, his constant social torture at the hands of his so-called peers cause him to withdraw and spend his life collecting turtles.

This couldn’t be more incorrect. This sounds like someone describing something from the 1980s not 2010. So here’s my modern-day take on it:

Society has to take the role of staying the hell out of trying to “fix” something that isn’t broken. The nerd that is getting pantsed right now may have never turned to the thriving online community that fully accepts him and in turn may have never met the person who would become his best friend that worked with him to cure cancer. Instead, society’s constant obsession with making sure everyone is exactly the same, even though they’re not, would drive him to hang out with a bunch of jocks that he doesn’t even like forever missing the amazing opportunities just being himself would have provided.

I love being a geek and I love being a nerd. I enjoy hanging out with my friends playing Star Wars pen-and-paper games (double-whammy there), I’m more than happy to talk Tekken 6 framerates and have heated debates on why Twilight is ruining everything that’s great about vampires. I’m super excited about SW:TOR and hope they get this one right. I love that being a nerd has garnered me an amazing tech job at an amazing company that pays me so well. I love that when I was dating online the women I met recognized this and knew that because I fit these labels I would be a great provider (and by the time I had reached my mid-20s, how far I could throw a football finally meant as little to them as it should have all along).

Hey Society: You missed your chance to chime in on this one by a few decades. Move along. We’ve taken care of things just fine. No need for the Political-Correctness police to barge in and screw it up. While other people may use our labels in a negative way, they’re still ours. Keep your grubby hands off of ’em.