Online Dating Blog

When I was single, I always felt like meeting women was very difficult. And for me, for quite a long time, it was. But then, almost over night things seemed to come together and I was meeting lots of women and I was even getting plenty of dates. Some weeks I would have multiple first dates and there were even a few weeks where I had more nights with dates than without. There were several things I changed over the course of about six months of trial and error that I’ll describe here.

First, when people discuss how to meet women I think there are two questions actually being asked:
1. Where do I meet women?
2. How should I act socially when meeting women?

I’m going to break down each of the questions based entirely off of my personal experience. Some of this advice may seem obvious but as a shy guy I had to learn most of this the hard way, by making lots of mistakes. I’m sure there are many other ways to meet women. For example, being born very handsome and charismatic is a great way to meet women (or so I’ve heard). Lots of money is said to do wonders as well. Sadly, I’ve no experience in either of those areas so I’ll stick with what I know!

Part 1: Where are the good places to meet women?

Online Dating…it worked for me…

First off (and you should have seen this coming), online dating is a great place to meet women. I’ve always been a shy person and one of my biggest struggles was always feeling uncomfortable approaching strangers. I found comfort in online dating as I knew everyone there was truly interested in dating, even if they weren’t always interested dating in me. If you’ve never tried online dating I’d highly recommend it. This topic is too broad to cover in detail here but I do cover the entire process in my online dating guide. I ended up meeting my wife through an online dating service so I’m a big fan.

Meet-up Groups

Co-ed meet-up groups are a great place to meet women. Meetup.com is a site devoted to helping people meet up (surprise!) and while it’s not advertised as such, many people using this service are using it to meet people from the opposite sex. I personally know two friends who have found dates through this service at events including a co-ed dodgeball group and hiking group. Additionally, another friend actually stopped going to his “beer sampling” Meetup group because it was turning into a “singles beer sampling” after a few weeks. These groups are great because there’s no pressure that you have meet someone but it is the hidden goal of many of its participants.

Places of Worship

If you attend a church or temple or synogogue , I would recommend temporarily trying another, preferably one that has a strong singles group if it’s an option. If you dislike the idea of changing your place of worship, you could try to find one with different schedule such as Saturday nights or a group that meets on weeknights. There’s nothing wrong with asking someone out at your normal place of worship but there are a few things that make this difficult. Primarily, there could be some discomfort if you ask someone out but she’s not interested.

Other Places I’ve Had Success

I had a lot of good luck at weddings. Unfortunately, that isn’t something you can just add to your schedule at any given moment. I’ve never had luck at bars…well, once but for the most part it was no good for me. However, I have had repeated success at house parties. The smaller atmosphere plus the fact that a quick word to the host can get you an introduction goes a long way.

Places I’ve Had No Success

I’ve been told that the following are great places to meet women: grocery stores, the gym, bookstores, sporting events and other similar places. I never had any luck at any places like this but they’re on most of the lists out there so I guess they’re working for somebody.

Part 2: How should I act socially when meeting women?

Comfort

First and foremost, I think you need to be comfortable when you’re meeting women. Note I say comfortable, not confident. Much of the advice out there disagrees with me on this, going for confidence over all else. However, I would have never labeled myself as confident and yet I had so much success. As with much of what I discuss here, tips for gaining appropriate comfort are covered in detail in my dating guide.

Accepting Rejection

You will have to learn to accept rejection. Aside from not being very out-going, I think this was my biggest hurdle with dating. I think that’s why online dating helped me so much. The rejection there is much more abstract but over time when you get turned down enough you realize it’s not so bad. Once I reached that point it was actually not that bad being rejected in person. It was never enjoyable but it did become acceptable.

Listening Works

I know many readers are probably looking for some formula for quick sex so this point is going to baffle you. I think you genuinely need to try to learn about her when you first meet. I suspect I’ve just lost half my readers with that one but I stand by it. First of all, when you try to learn about her it makes the conversations so much easier, particularly when just meeting. You not sitting there repeatedly thinking: “What do I say next? What do I say next?” or “How can I impress her? How can I impress her?” Instead you’re thinking, who is this woman I’m talking to? In my experience, she’ll notice. I’m not handsome or rich or strong or out-going or confident but if I could get to the point where I was having a conversation with a woman and I actually tried to learn about her, my success was through the roof. Remember: these women are people, not just conquests. Many times they can see what you’re trying to pull before you’re even sure of what you’re trying to pull. If she figures you out but that means she realizes you’re actually interested, that’s a good thing! Honestly, just give this a try for 10 minutes the next time you meet someone and see how it goes.

Attitude Matters

You need to make yourself available. You need to be friendly and positive. Again, this area was a struggle for me in the beginning. I didn’t realize it at the time but I often came off as distant or even slightly angry. Two things turned this around for me: being willing to smile a lot and actively trying to make eye contact. Again, as a shy guy I suspect I’m telling many people out there something that comes naturally to most of us. Still, keep in mind that you are making first impressions even when you don’t realize it.