We all have our biased perspectives to online dating, based on the gender we identify with. While everyone has a chance to meet their special someone online, there are also some very real cultural norms that just might give women (and especially femme women) an easier time when it comes to finding a date online.
The traditional approach to dating is one that places expectations on men to initiate contact by sending along that first message. We may be living in a modern world with balanced social dynamics making headway, but cultural programming runs deep and undoubtedly affects our gender-specified forms of behaviour. The common belief is that femininity means passivity, with many women placing expectation on their masculine counterpart to actively initiate a connection. Pretty up a profile et voila. Sit back, relax, and let the messages role in.
Is this the reality? I can’t help but notice a conversation amongst men about a slow inflow of messages when compared to women. Women can become so bombarded with messages that it’s not even a surprise to come across a woman’s online dating profile that includes a warning about an overcrowded inbox.
“I don’t have time to get back to everybody.” If this isn’t a sneaky tactic to appear more desired (and therefore desirable!), this is definitely an amazing feat. Or is it really as good as it sounds?
On the other hand, if an expectation of a man initiating a connection online leads to a woman to wait for his arrival, then she is assuming a very disempowered state. Certainly this doesn’t make online dating easier. In fact, it leads to a lower quality dating experience, and has effects that ripple into every avenue of courtship and relationships. When we do not assume our power, we give it to someone else and spend a large portion of our time in a perpetual cycle of waiting, hoping, and looking forward instead of engaging, creating, and willing.
To wait on a man to send a fist message, invite you to a first date, follow-up after a first date, or even to propose a committed relationship are all classic damsel in distress scenarios: I need or want something and I need a man to fulfill this need. I shall wait in my tower until my prince arrives.
A jammed packed inbox doesn’t necessitate your ideal match will be within that bunch. If relying on men to step up, you could very well be missing out on the ease and even addictive past time of browsing profiles and feeling out your preferred match for yourself.
Maintain your personal empowerment above all else, and realize that being a femme lady can also equate to being active in the pursuit! Dating is all around easier for anyone, independent of sex or gender, when they recognize and exercise their power to create a desirable situation, and let go of any preferred situation not working out.
While on some superficial levels, such as the number of messages that settle in a woman’s inbox, it might appear online dating is easier for woman than it is for men, I personally believe the final verdict depends entirely on how you relate to your situation.
If you are a woman and also empowered, then yes, this definitely can make online dating easier for you as a woman.
If, on the other hand, you are a woman and rely on your power to attract attention because of your sex and gender, whereas you wait for men to make any decisions about progressing your shared narrative, then perhaps you’re creating a greater challenge for yourself.
As a woman steps outside of the princess role and takes on throne of a queen, she realizes how magnificent her life will become, which includes her experiences with online dating. This was actually a piece of advice given to me by a friend a couple of years ago. It was both humbling and empowering, and I have never forgotten it. I went from a passive position to one that willed scenarios and situations by virtue of participating more actively in life. Not all women need to hear this because this lesson has already been learned. But, if this message is speaking to you, then that is absolutely amazing. It means you’re recognizing your true potential, which is the first step towards realizing it.