Online Dating Blog

A reader contacted me this week with some thoughts on my recent article regarding risks with online dating:

Your post on October 29th titled the Risk of Trusting was a great reminder of how important it is to be cautious. I appreciated your willingness to point out that there is plenty of room for failure and danger in online dating.

I thought you might be interested in a few other resources that people can use to ensure their own safety. My client, Intelius, offers background checks, can help give online daters assurance before they meet any “potentials” in person.

Another organization, Safer Online Dating Alliance (SODA), also offers tips for online daters to consider (a full list is available here).

First, in regards to the background checks, I feel performing a check before meeting someone would be impractical for anyone dating online actively. At the point where I was going on a first date every week, doing background checks would have been out of the question. However, if you are new to online dating and want to be as safe as possible the first time you meet someone, it makes a little more sense. Where I think it would make the most sense is if you are at the point where you want to move the relationship to the next level but still have reservations about the person. My wife had reservations about me for a very long time because of how she was treated in her previous relationship. Only over time did she fully begin to trust me and there were some difficult times for me during that time period because I knew she still didn’t trust me. A service like Intelius might have gone a long way for her early in our relationship.

Second, the link provided to SODA with the safety tips might be the most valuable article a first time online dater could read (yes, even more so than my articles!). Familiarizing yourself with this list would go a long way in helping to avoid making some common mistakes. Even taking simple steps like opening a separate email account may not save your life but will make things much less annoying when you meet someone who just can’t understand you are not interested (one of the few areas I think men are at just as much risk as women).

I am always nervous when talking about online dating safety because I do not want to scare anyone away from something that, in the end, brought me so much happiness. My advice: know the steps that can help you stay safe but keep on dating!