Online Dating Blog

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1. The person never subscribed to the service and is totally caught off guard by the charge. In most cases this is some type of fraudulent charge (for example, someone stealing the credit card number) but in one instance someone contacted me because someone she knew had used her credit card to sign themselves up.
2. The person has subscribed and is surprised that the dating service is charging them when they had intended to be finished using the dating site.

Jump to:
Handling the Dating Service Fraudulent Charges
Handling Dating Service Auto-Renewals
Popular Dating Services Phone Numbers

Believe it or not, I have personally dealt with both of these cases at different points in my life. When I was dating online I was caught off-guard the first time I dealt with a dating service auto-renewal. Then much later when I had finished dating online someone had stolen my credit card number and signed up for a dating service with it (you can actually read my account of this experience here).

Handling the Dating Service Fraudulent Charges

It may be surprising but of the two cases, the fraudulent charge case is generally easier to resolve (although that doesn’t mean the process is enjoyable). Here are steps you can take in this situation:

Step 1: Call the Dating Service
First, call the dating service and explain the situation. You shouldn’t get much push-back from this process. If you do get some push-back from the site, most often whoever signed you up will not have any of your personal information correct: name, location, sex, age and so on. Use this as ammunition if you do find yourself fighting with the service to get the charges reversed. For example: “Why would I sign myself up as a 48-year old woman in Florida when I’m a man living in Pennsylvania?”

Step 2: Calling Your Bank or Credit Card Provider
This is a very important step! Someone has gotten a hold of your credit or debit card information somehow. Just getting the charges reversed in this one case won’t solve your problems if they just use your card again. This can be a hassle since you’ll have to wait to get your new card but it is definitely a step you want to take. Surprisingly, I’ve heard some banks are more cooperative in these situations than others but generally speaking if you’re persistent they’ll work with you and get you a new card.

Step 3: Additional Steps You Can Take
If you have had a fraudulent charge, it is a fine idea to report it. You can report the charge at Fraud.org (and more specifically their fraud report form). You can also file a report at the Internet Crime Complaint Center. As I’ve discussed in the past, on its own this won’t accomplish much for your current situation. However, if there is a pattern of repeated fraudulent charges going on at a particular site, this is probably one a good way to improve the situation for others who come after you.

Photo by Andres Rueda

Why Would Someone Steal My Credit Card to Sign Up for a Dating Service?
When I dealt with my fraudulent charge, I initially was suspicious of the dating service itself. Over time though, I’ve come to believe that this isn’t the most reasonable explanation.

The thing is, stealing a credit card to sign up for an online dating service seems like a waste: wouldn’t the person who has stolen the card rather get as much out of it as possible? Why only spend $50? To me, I think the person who has taken your card is far more interested in stealing from others than stealing from you. For example:

1. They steal your card and sign up for a dating service for 3 or 6 months. The hope here is that they can use your card without you noticing (or at least not noticing right away)
2. They create their profile and begin a relationship with someone. Eventually, once trust has been built they convince this person that they are overseas and that they need just a little bit of money to get home. A little bit of money then turns into a lot of money as they continue to scam the person they’ve been talking to.
3. The person being scammed finally realizes what’s happening and they contact the dating service. The dating service begins to investigate what has been going on but can’t trace it back to the actual scammer…because they’ve used your credit card.

So the thief’s goal is still to make a lot of money but when your card is stolen you are often just an intermediate step for them in the process.

Handling Dating Service Auto-Renewals

First off, the best way to handle avoiding auto-renewal charges is to be aware of your dating service’s auto-renewal policies.

Almost all the major sites use auto-renewals. If you’re not familiar with auto-renewals they basically work like this: whatever time you initially sign up for is what most dating services will renew you for when your time runs out. Signed up for 6-months? After 6-months are up the dating service will attempt to sign you up again for 6-months.

One of the best ways to handle auto-renewals, and sometimes the only way, is to turn off the auto-renewals if it’s an option at the dating service right after you subscribe. If this isn’t an option, you can cancel your subscription after you first subscribe. When you cancel your subscription you’ll still get to use the time you’ve subscribed for but the next time auto-renewals roll around you shouldn’t be renewed. You’ll want to verify this is the case with the service you use but as far as I am aware there are no services that will deny you the time you’ve paid for when you unsubscribe.

If you’ve already been charge for an auto-renewal…
If you’ve been charged for an auto-renewal it may have a difficult if not impossible to get the charges reversed. If you catch the charge right away and contact them you may be able to get the charge reversed but generally dating services have auto-renewals worked into the agreement you accept when initially subscribing.

Popular Dating Services Phone Numbers

Here is a list of some of the dating service phone numbers in case you need to reach support:

Match.com Phone Number: 800-926-2824, dial 0 when record begins

eHarmony Phone Number: 800-951-2023

Zoosk Phone Number: 415-728-9574

Chemistry Phone Number: 866-610-MEET

Perfect Match Phone Number: 425-284-4265

Lavalife Phone Number: 866-554-5282

If you have phone numbers for other dating services I haven’t listed here, leave a comment and I’ll be sure to get them added.