Before you jump online and start filling out a dating profile and joyfully browsing the singles in your area, it would be wise to take a moment to assess your readiness to enter into the world of dating. It is not uncommon for people to jump blindfolded into a relationship they are not truly ready for, nor is it uncommon for people to connect with someone who is not currently capable of offering all that a relationship requires. In both cases, both people get hurt when the romantic connection faces challenges. Relationships are not meant to be the source of our love and good health, rather a benefit to our growth. Therefore, it is crucial to determine if you are in a state fertile for the giving and receiving of love before entering into a relationship. A healthy connection requires a strong foundational understanding that you are a whole being, complete unto yourself, and self-love is a prerequisite for loving others. If you find yourself to be well enough to share in the giving and receiving of love, then you are likely ready for a relationship. If not, then you will need to spend some time and energy on intentionally shaping your character and disposition to be one of wholeness, with your love sourced from within rather than from the outside world and other people in it.
If there is an intense and destabilizing need for someone else to save you from the woes of life or to fulfill you, then this neediness is likely a reflection of dependency. Depending on a partner leads to clinging and a false sense of connection. True love for another being blossoms out of self-love, whereby you care and tend to your own emotional, physical and mental well-being first and foremost. No one but you is responsible for the maintenance of your good health, and in order to heal from a state of dependency and therefore be open to true connection, you must assume this personal responsibility and express it through your continual efforts of self-nurturance. As such, love flourishes within you and only then may you share it outwardly in a pure way, resulting in meaningful connection that aids in a joyful and progressive evolution for both or all people.
Some other signs that you have some personal work to do before entering into a relationship include:
– You hold an expectation of finding the “ideal” partner. A person who fits your ideal image does not exist. Fixating on this image prevents you from seeing others clearly. This results in misery for you because of unmet hopes, as well as for the other, who is made to feel unseen, unaccepted and unappreciated as a result of your projections. Love that heals means seeing one another for who each of you truly are.
– Your interest is dominantly on receiving from another, in the form of resource, emotional support, or physical satisfaction rather than balancing giving with receiving. There is a saying that we receive by giving. Not only is this true in the sense of feeling good by supporting and loving another, but it encourages a natural flow to occur that brings love and attentiveness back towards us from the other person.
– While using dating websites, you find you hold no true intention on meeting anyone in person. Sometimes, people will turn to online dating to fill in a perceived lack in their lives. They seek to have a connection with someone without holding any true intention of bringing that connection offline and letting it grow, as their correspondence likely anticipates. Surprisingly, this is not always clear to the individual who maintains this form of distance, or they may not perceive the dishonesty in this approach.
– You find it unbearable to spend time alone. This is key for determining if you are truly giving yourself the time required to harbour self-love and tune into yourself as a whole and complete individual. If you cannot enjoy even a day in your own company, then there is something within that you are neglecting and not giving the attention it deserves. When we cannot spend time in our own internal reality to feel, discover and accept everything that is happening within us, then it will prove tremendously difficult to communicate with a partner when challenges arise. Furthermore, it will be near impossible to empathize clearly with the heart and world of another person.
– Addictions. Whether to a substance, gambling, shopping or food, addictions reflect some personal work that needs to be done. This often requires a tremendous amount of energy and while it may be helpful to have some support from a partner, it may easily spoil a new relationship.
– Lack of control in the presence of emotional discomforts, especially if this leads to dangerous outbursts. Engaging in challenging conversations with intense emotion often leads to saying things we later regret and putting our pain onto our partner. By learning how to deal with our emotions in healthy ways, whether it be by going for walks, playing music, meditating, etc., then we are more likely to maintain equanimity and communicate clearly and compassionately.
– An unfinished past relationship. This may come in the form of a partnership that has yet to end, a pending divorce, or a love connection you have yet to grieve fully after the relationship ended or transformed.
Upon recognizing any of these signs present within you, simply accept this truth. Allow yourself the time and space to work through anything that is preventing you from forming a healthy and clear-hearted connection with another, as this will be highly beneficial to your future self. When we begin to open ourselves to a relationship while coming from a healthy place, then the type of partner we attract will reflect a similar degree of good health. Ultimately, this raises our chances of building a successful relationship.