Valentine’s day is peak season for online dating. From the new year to February 14th, there are more people dating online than any other time of the year. This isn’t to say that everyone will disappear on the 15th. It seems more like the motivation from New Year’s resolutions starts to wear off here and many people with a relationship resolution see February 14th as a date where the decide if they were successful or a failure for their resolution.
However, this also means that many people will be putting in a lot of effort with online dating sites prior to Valentine’s day. This means there’s a good chance that many of us giving online dating a try might find ourselves with a date on Valentine’s day, maybe even a first date.
First Dates and Valentine’s Day
There are many good ideas for Valentine’s day if we’re talking about it generally. A dinner at a fancy restaurant is always a good time or is it? Depends on if you want to be among the millions of others that take their dates out to eat. However, online dating can put a twist on this and it really depends on where you are in the relationship. If this is the first date, in most cases it makes more sense to keep things simple. Plus, trying to get a reservation can be a huge task if you’re just scheduling a first date now.
There is even an argument that scheduling a first date on the 13th or 15th is better. While there’s no rule against the first date on Valentine’s day itself, it can create some awkwardness or some people might find it off-putting. I wouldn’t say that you should never go on a first or second date on Valentine’s day, but at the same time, you might be saving yourself a headache if you meet on the 13th. And really, is it bad meeting a day earlier? I don’t think so.
For Those that See Valentine’s Day as “Failure”
I mention above that many people will stop online dating because they feel like they failed. I would encourage you not to do this. I’ve been using online dating for over six months at the time of this writing. There have been a lot of ups and downs and more than a few frustrating days.
But I keep trying. And my life is much more interesting because of that. So if you approach the 14th as a day where you declare yourself a failure, don’t! You’re not because you’re just like so many of us. If this dating thing were easy, somebody would have solved it long before services like Match.com or eHarmony came along.
No one wants to be alone on this lovers holiday. If you’re lonely but not trying anything at all, take a step toward love by joining a dating site. This time next year you could be one of the lucky ones enjoying a special evening with that special someone. And yes, it might take a year, but let’s be honest with ourselves and agree that things worth having almost always take work. Some people are alone on Valentine’s day but don’t have to be if they would turn their attention to the effort.
Also, I realize that by the time many of you read this there’s no time left to really find that date for Valentine’s day, even if you sign up for a service now. I would encourage you to not dwell on “failing” and instead try getting together with some close friends. Don’t forget that single can be just as fun or exciting as a private evening for two.
Recognizing Many People Give Up Now
One more argument for not giving up on your online dating efforts when Valentine’s day passes. You now know that many people will be giving up around this time. But what about the people who don’t? What about the people who see Valentine’s day roll by and say, “I’m not giving up. I’m sticking with this”. That seems like an interesting group of people and I’m going to be one of them.
In addition to the good feeling of sticking with it, I think it’s possible to meet some really great people who are committed to finding a relationship even when the going gets rough. That’s a quality I would love to find in someone I date: resiliency and the ability to stick with things that are hard. And let’s be honest: relationships are often hard so I see this as a great quality. Of course, there’s no guarantee that meeting someone on February 20th means they’ll fit this mold, but I think it’s another reason worth sticking it out.
I’d like to argue that you’ll also see a reduction in competition too. But I don’t think that’s being totally honest because not only will some of your competition quit, but so will some of the people you can meet. So I think your competition will stay the same…but that’s not the point. The point is to keep trying and if you do find someone in the weeks after Valentine’s day, I promising that years from now you’ll never even give a thought to that last Valentine’s day you spent alone. You probably won’t remember it at all!
For Those in Budding (or Longer) Relationships
There are a lot of ideas for Valentine’s day itself. My two key rules are: 1) do something special for your partner and 2) don’t forget. Valentine’s day is a very special time, especially for those who are more sentimental. Most guys know that their significant other not only expects something but would be crushed if we forget. If you do forget fellas, you’re going to be in the doghouse. I’d recommend for all those guys in a relationship to jump onto your Google calendar right now and create a recurring meeting every year to remind you on February 1st to not be a jerk by forgetting Valentine’s day!
As for what to do, we can discuss the fancy dinner I mentioned earlier. That’s a good choice, but I like making the day about the person I’m with and love staying at home. I know that may not sound exciting, but handled the right way, it can be an excellent option. Here are ideas for those of you that want to stay home on Valentine’s day.
- One good idea for a Valentines is a romantic dinner for two at home. Fellas learn to cook her favorite meal and dessert. I’ve found that even if you end up not being the best chef, this doesn’t work against you. Bad food with loving intention often creates a memory that will last for years.
- Being at home can be so relaxing and if you’re in a relationship with a particularly busy person this can present you with a great opportunity to celebrate while also giving them some downtime. Go out to the store a few days before the big day and get all of the supplies. I’m talking popcorn, chocolate, the works. Enjoy a romantic movie on Netflix and make sure that everything is taken care of so your loved one can really relax.
- To build on this idea if you have time and resources is to create a spa type atmosphere. Pamper your lady (or man!). Give her a pedicure or a massage can be a great addition to a relaxing evening at home. Think candles, essential oils, and dim lighting.
- Another idea for a Valentine adventure at home would be a project to do. Something that you’ve been wanting to redo or start. That could mean changing the drapes in the living room to taking wallpaper down. Often doing things for a common good brings people closer together. Of course, if you and your significant other fight like cats and dogs when working on projects, then stay away from this one!
Staying in isn’t for everyone but just doing a nice dinner feels overdone. My approach to this is to take that person out for their favorite thing. Maybe he likes skiing take him to his favorite slopes for the weekend. Maybe she loves rock climbing. Take her to favorite indoor spot. There are a ton of things to do and you don’t have to keep things traditional with flowers, candy, and dinner. Some people love to read and would enjoy getting a book signed by their favorite author. Some might want to jump out of an airplane together. You won’t find me jumping out of any planes anytime soon, but if I were asked to take a nature hike I would love that. It’s all about recognizing who they are and what they love even if that means doing something extremely untraditional. Do it together and focus on your love for one another and who cares if other people think that it sounds odd for the holiday.
Final Thoughts of Valentine’s Day
First, I would remind everyone that showing you’re affection for someone does not have to be just once a year on V-day. Often I think we forget to show how we care. Showing how we care is in a loving way can mean much more than just telling someone how we care. At least for me, it does. I’d rather have a person show me their love for me then tell me every day. There are many ways we can show our love for people by our actions and the list I mentioned above could happen at any time. Or something small like a note in someone’s lunch every day is a sweet reminder to say “Hey I’m thinking of you and I care.”
Other things you can do for your significant other can be to take some of the workload off of his or her shoulders. If the wash needs to be done through a load in. Maybe the kitchen floor needs to be mopped. Any household chores will really show you care. Fellas, if she asks you to do something like trim the bushes, for the love of Pete don’t wait for five months to do it! Do it when she asks and see it as celebrating Valentine’s day all year long. Believe me, this may all may sound trivial but to your partner will mean the world.
Every day counts not just Valentines Day. So. if you do follow my advice of showing love not just say it when V-day comes around just roses and a card will catapult you into the stratosphere. The build-up is what makes the day so great.
As I mentioned before if you don’t have a date for valentines day I recommend that you try online dating. This doesn’t mean your first date has to be Valentine’s day, but it could mean that you will have a date for next year. More and more people are using online dating to find love. Don’t be left out and definitely don’t just beat yourself up every day for being alone without giving yourself a chance to fix that.
Even if you don’t have much experience with a computer or using a dating site I think it’s worth a try and you can treat it as an adventure. We provide a free online dating guide on how to get started if you’re not even sure where to begin. It walks you through step by step how to build your profile and many other areas.
This year could be your year to find that special someone. Don’t let more time pass by. Can you imagine if you do meet someone and then next year you’re no longer beating yourself up when the holiday arrives? What would that be like? Try to motivate yourself to try even though it will be hard (it will) and even though you shouldn’t expect to be in a relationship immediately (you shouldn’t).
I wish you all the best good luck in your search. Remember, you’re not the only one who struggles. I deal with the frustration too, but let’s both commit to continuing to put the effort in to find that special someone!