Online dating is an exciting and potentially rewarding experience that entails opening ourselves to an array of new people and situations. This article is the second part of a series exploring how to keep it safe while online dating, which has been broken down into three portions:
1. Emotional wellbeing
2. Physical safety
3. Privacy
Physical Safety
The topic of personal safety while meeting a stranger off of the internet is one that is taken seriously by service providers and even state law. For instance, did you know that New York has an online dating safety law? Internet dating services being provided to the New York population are required by law to provide personal safety information to users. This is often done during or just after registration. Beyond the borders of New York, if you explore the content your dating website of choice, you will find a page dedicated specifically to safety precautions.
While these safety tips may be commonly known, it is also not uncommon for people to ignore them. In my own personal experience, I have heard of several people meeting in either their or a stranger’s home as the setting for their first meeting. In relation to this, I have also heard of someone having to deal with a date who simply would not leave. Yikes! I have also heard of people becoming heavily intoxicated while spending time with a new person, which is especially common if the intention is to hook up that night.
The thing is, you do not know who this new person is, how trustworthy they are, or what their true intentions are. You may have read their profile and feel you have a sense of who they are, but remember to take this information with a grain of salt. Only by spending time with someone can you come to discern how safe they are for your mental, emotional, financial, and physical health.
Here is how to keep it safe for the first couple of dates:
1. Tell a friend. Let someone know where you are going and who you will be meeting. Perhaps link your friend to your date’s profile, otherwise share their name and description. Be sure to connect with your friend at some point so they know everything is going well. Ideally, this would be after you have returned home safely, though some individuals like to send a quick text during a date as well.
2. Meet in public. Find somewhere populated and active with other people. This means avoid meeting in their home, your home, deserted parks, or going on a hike into the woods.
3. Stay sober. Remaining sober helps to ensure you are getting a clear sense of this new individual. Sobriety supports wise decision making and self control, so that even if a date is going extraordinarily well, you will remember and honour your intentions of how much intimacy you are comfortable with. Sobriety will also ensure you can safely return home on your own terms, which is the next tip.
4. Arrange for your own transportation. Arrive to your date by your own means, and return home on your own. This is so that your date is not taking you out of your power by driving you and so that the information of where you live is kept private. When you have a better idea that this individual is safe, then you will decide to open yourself further by sharing this information. However, no one is entitled to know where you live when you just meet. If your date offers to walk or drive you home, it is best to politely decline.
It is all too easy to slip into a place of fear while speaking to the many reasons for taking safety precautions seriously. I do not wish to instill this fear perception even deeper, or frame online dating as a dangerous thing to do. The truth is, whether you meet someone through a website or if you meet someone through a friend or at a park, your safety should always be considered when beginning to spend time with someone new. It is simply a precaution for those what-if situations that, let’s face it, everyone seems to assume will never happen to them. But it is better to be over prepared than under-prepared in the case you really do find yourself engaging with someone who is not safe.
DEC
About the Author:
Stephanie Arnold is a writer, visual artist and composer who seeks to unveil the working structures of the human psyche. She works to share valuable insights that stem from personal experience and assist in the development of deeper levels of self-awareness, especially in regards to a sincere and healthy relationship to love and loving. The core of her philosophy is that self-love is the root of loving outwardly, and is therefore necessary to develop if one wishes to create fruitful relationships with others. Her evolving portfolio may be found at www.lovefromwithin.org.