Standing Out on Dating Sites

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I have a friend named Kate Houston who I have talked about from time to time on this website. She runs a really unique service: she helps people write great online dating profiles in really unique ways. I like her work because she helps people “market” themselves instead of just “talk” about themselves…and I think there’s a big difference! You can see some examples of how she’s helped people at her website

Recently, Kate was interviewed by the TV channel King 5 in Seattle. I thought this was a really interesting (and helpful) interview and wanted to share it with everyone:

I thought it was interesting how Kate isn’t only helping people with dating profiles but also with LinkedIn profiles and even Facebook (although I guess that makes sense!).

I really liked the discussion “understanding your target”. I guess that phrase isn’t exactly romantic but it’s really true. A lot of people I talk to seem to only be concerned with what other people would like in them, totally abandoning what they’re looking for in a person…and I always do my best to encourage my readers to stop doing that. Online dating isn’t a one-way proposition where you should accept the first person that accepts you! You should be looking for particular qualities and I think Kate’s advice was great here on writing in a way that would resonate with the type of person you’re interested in dating.

I hope you like the video. If you interested, you can also see my take on creating your dating profile in my article step-by-step online dating profile creation guide. You can see the full article from Kate’s interview at



About the Author:

Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.


  1. Greg  October 30, 2011

    Isn’t that unrealistic? I’m a guy on OkCupid (26 year old lawyer, fit, ok looking, live in a big city), and getting women to respond to any message is almost impossible. The idea that you should tailor your profile to one narrow subset makes that even more difficult. Maybe that is good advice for women, but for guys, online dating is just a torrent of frustration and rejection.

  2. Kate Houston  November 5, 2011

    Thanks for writing. Online dating can be discouraging for both men and women. That’s why everything photos, profile, emails (another big reason why people have difficulty) need to be maximized for success.

    Greg, if your profile is designed to reach everyone and you’re getting no one, then that approach is truly ineffective isn’t it? So why not try the marketing approach?

    Instead of writing a fairly ordinary profile for mass-appeal (and presenting yourself as ordinary as a result), rewrite it to include unique anecdotes and interests, as well as a strong opener. That way you stand out. Once you do, you’re in a better position to be noticed by someone who likes what you have to offer. If you really wanted to have “anyone” then you’d be trying to contact any single female online whether you found her appealing or not. If you aren’t doing that, then it’s because you want to find someone who suits you.

    I hope this helps. Lastly, you seem to have a lot going for you. Unfortunately, there are many variables that affect success and some are truly not in your control. In other words, it’s not you. So keep that in mind too, okay? All the best, Kate.

  3. Greg  November 15, 2011

    Hi Kate, thank you so much for responding. I understand what you are saying, but the problem is that the online dating community is slanted against men, not only because there are more of us and we are more proactive, but also because women are much more sophisticated in how they judge men than vice versa. On OKC, forty original messages leads to maybe ten responses, five replies after the first, and two or three dates (which can go badly or well). So I don’t really know how limiting my pool even further would be useful for me (since it would greatly reduce the odds that I meet anyone at all, much less someone perfectly compatible), although that is probably great advice for women.

  4. Jaane  November 30, 2011


    I think you’re being too whinny. “Oh, poor me. I’m young and successful and no one wants me”
    Oh, please! Women have just as a hard time dating online.

    I’m tired of getting emails from men who should be emailing my mother instead! How disgusting, I hate craddle robbers. In their emails they try to convince me that age “is not a factor” Then why the f**** are you not sticking with your age range !!!! In their emails, even though I haven’t expressed any interest whatsover in them, they hint at being well off. Well, I never put in my profile ANYTHING even remotely resembling an airhead gold digger looking for a sugar daddy! I’m just a normal woman, from a normal family, looking for a normal man.

    Oh, don’t even let me start with the guys that are extremely unattractive. There IS such as thing as physical attraction. Trust me, I’m not the shallow type, just normal, but some men think they can get someone many times better looking than them. Hey, what about me? I have eyes. Why would they think I’d be attracted to someone sooo much less attractive than me. It’s a ROMANTIC relationship, I have to feel attraction, in addition to compatible personalities. I bet these are the same men that look down on girls that are actually ON their same level of attractiveness. What? Am I supposed to take pity on them? Am I supposed to say “oh, but he’s got such a great personality” Oh, please, I’m only human, not a door mat. I want someone I’m physically and mentally attracted to, or this S*** won’t work for the long haul or in the short one for that matter.

    So, Greg, trust me, my inbox is nothing to be envious of. Are you sure that your problem isn’t that you’re writing to girls that are out of your league?

  5.'s Stephanie  December 13, 2011

    Well you are in fact marketing yorself on your dating profile, whether you realize it or not. So the same kinds of considerations must apply, even if you are not a ‘marketing expert’.


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