Online Dating Blog

Early this month a reader contacted me with the following question:

I’m new to online dating and I’ve just started to chat with people and will be seeing a couple of them next week.

What I’m concerned with is giving out personal information. I just finished chatting on skype with one guy, and realized I had already given him my full name, phone number, and my birthday (not on purpose). He was also asking where I grew up, though I didn’t tell him where I was born. I’m just worried that being so new to online dating in general that I may get used very easily.

My question is, how do I know whether the guy is just curious or if he could actually be wanting to steal my identity or something?

Does This Situation Present and Identity Theft Issue?

Generally speaking, I don’t think identity theft is a huge problem with online dating…or at least not the biggest problem. I’m sure it happens but generally the scams I hear about seem to be more interested in tricking people into willingly sending money as opposed to stealing your identity.

That having been said, even if identities aren’t being stolen we all need to be cautious on what information we reveal. In the example above:

• I think first name is good enough. If you switch to personal email and your mail account reveals your first and last name, keep that in mind and be sure you’re comfortable with that. A first name is plenty for a long time to be honest.
• Giving out phone numbers isn’t much of a risk…aside from the fact that they might start making harassing phone calls (but honestly I don’t think that happens very often). My preference was to go straight from email to a first date but plenty of people use the phone and I honestly don’t see giving out a phone number as much of a risk.
• I can see how birthdays might come up innocently enough but that’s something that doesn’t seem necessary to talk about so early in getting to know one another.

I suspect in this reader’s case we just had guy who is curious to get to know the woman he is talking to. The fact that he’s getting on Skype and showing who he is something the normal trick-you-into-sending-money scammer would never do. And that’s the type of scam that I think happens most often with online dating (and you can learn more about that scam and others in my article on Protecting Yourself from Scams when Dating Online).

My guess is that my reader is fine in the current situation however we should all follow this rule:

If you find yourself accidentally revealing information you didn’t intend to, it’s a sign that you need to be more aware of what you’re talking about!