I’d bring it up. Again, not with any type of ultimatum, but I’d let her know that you’d be interested in concentrating on dating each other exclusively. If she says she’s not comfortable with that because of her past experience, I’d try to be understanding. However, if you go another month without any change, I think you might want to keep your options a bit more open as well (and be sure to let her know this in a gentle way as she’s going to be sensitive to feeling like she’s being lied to). I can totally understand having caution after being cheated on, but at the same time you don’t want to wait months and months only to find out this might not go anywhere.

There are some very interesting posts here and you give great advise.

Here’s a situation I’d appreciate your perspective:

Have been doing the match thing for a few months. Frankly, don’t care for it for a multitude of reasons but it has been a good vehicle in which I have met some terrific people. About a month ago exchanged really great emails, texts, calls. Over the past few weeks we’ve been out a couple of times which has been nothing short of fantastic! We have a great time laughing, joking, talking and we both have told each how much fun we are having and how excited we are to see each ofher again. We our going out again which we’re both excited about. I’ve planned to take her to do painting of an ocean area with an artist and then a picnic. Honestly, I can’t wait to see her again.

All said, she has let me know her prior BF cheated on her the whole time they were together. She clearly let me know how much that hurt her. Thus, on occasion I sense her guard is up a bit. I get it and I will be patient and understanding. There’s no doubt in my mind she is someone I want to date, be part of my life and take it from there and see where im this goes from there.

I’m concerned telling her this may rattle her a bit givien her prior experience and scare her off..I’m fully prepared to get off match. That said, she is regularly active on match and I’m a bit concerned putting myself out there with her she may not be ready more given the whole cheating matter she had to deal with. On the other hand I don’t want to continue to put a lot of time and effort into this relationship if she’s looking for something else as I don’t want to be the fallback guy either…

Your thoughts?

I’d suggest talking with him and encouraging him to let you know when he’s feeling down or tempted to create a profile…but you need to be open and understanding if he’s going to be that honest with you (so no attacking if he admits he’s feeling that way). I’m just hoping if he knew he could talk to you when he’s tempted to do something silly like this, then maybe he wouldn’t need to go through with it. But maybe not…just an idea.

Thank you so much for replying to me. You make so much sense. I do need to sit down with him face to face and ask him but I just never seem to have the confidence to do so as I worry I am being too demanding. I did ask him two months ago to tell me if he wasn’t interested in me he just had to tell me. He came back all defensive asking me why I would say such a thing and of course he is. He then when he was at mine told me he wanted to keep me satisfied so I didn’t go elsewhere! Seems he wants me on his terms but doesn’t want anyone else having me. It does make it harder him living in London and myself in Suffolk as we don’t have what I would call a normal dating relationship which does make it harder.

He is now going away on his own for the next week or so but when he is back I shall ask to see him. I have already backed right off and only texted him yesterday after not hearing from him since my birthday which was 4 days before. I have been told by a close friend (who is male) that I need to be chased and show him that I am not at his beck and call.. I hate all these games however. I wonder why dating is so hard for myself but seems so easy for others. I generally do believe he does like me but he is just either not wanting to be hurt again so taking these easy or he is seeing other women.

So I’d say make a point to sit down with him and ask him where he sees the relationship going. If he can’t give you a straight answer, tell him where you’d like the relationship to go and ask him what he thinks of that.

I need some much needed advice. I met the man I have been dating since early October on match.com. It turned out we had met 10 years before and had been attracted to one another but then I moved to another county. Anyway we have been on 7 dates and he came to my house last time. Things seem to be going well but he is still on match.com and doesn’t text me alot inbetween seeing each other as he is ‘busy’ with work. I dont want to put pressure on him but I honestly don’t know what he feels for me. He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend which I don’t mind but the thought of him possibly dating other women does upset me. As I have been hurt by men in the past and he said he would never do that to me. He does have bad trust issues being of his ex wife and I totally understand it. He just seems to be in his own world of work, going to the gym and doing his hobbies and I am not being included. I would have thought that after 6 months I would feel settled on my feelings but I am honestly just confused. I have never been in love before and at 34 tomorrow that saddens me as I have so much love to give to someone.

As a married man let me tell you even after years and years with a woman I love, I still rarely know what’s going on in her head. And my rule for Kate is “just let me know what you’re thinking”. When she let’s me know, I can normally respond in a way that makes her happier!

Likewise, this guy may not even be thinking about his profile and might be totally confused if you disappeared. If you want to take a stand and draw the line at 6 weeks, I’m okay with that. But if there’s an ultimatum, I think it’s only fair that he know about it! So as that sixth week approaches, I think it would be best if you let him know that you’re bothered by his profile still being up and see how he responds.

If all that doesn’t work, I’d say at some point you should just say: “So-and-so, I really enjoy spending my time with you but I worry we might be looking at our relationship differently. Could you tell me where you see our relationship going?” Doesn’t have to be confrontational, just you getting clarification on where he’s at.