Red Flags on the First Date

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first date red flags
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You have decided to go on your first date off-line after some emails or online interaction. You are nervous and distracted. But sometimes through all of the excitement people forget basic precautions and do not see the “Red Flags” that they should have seen on their first date.

While most everyone’s idea of what a first date should involve is different, there are still solid guidelines that can be used. Oftentimes people do not listen to their intuition or see the “Red Flags” that can lead to possible suffering, hurt feelings, financial damage, or other harm.

Before the Date

Tell a Friend
Before you go on your first date tell a friend or family member when and where you are going and when you will return. Bring a cellular phone in case you need to call someone or have your friend call you periodically at certain times.

Use Your Own Transportation
Have your own transportation incase the date does not go well so you can leave when you need to. Use a taxi if you do not drive.

Have a Backup Plan
One cannot be too cautious, just remember you have never met this person before. Always have backup transportation if you rely on public transportation. As well, if you do not have a cellular phone then either borrow one or buy an inexpensive pay-for-usage type phone.

Meet in a Public Place
Never meet in a private location, remote place, or anywhere that makes you feel uncomfortable. There are several places you can meet such as a restaurant or museum.

What to Watch for on the First Date

Stay in a Public Place
Always stay in a public place. It is advisable to not go to your date’s home or have your date come to your home on a first date, even if you feel extremely comfortable with them. Keep the first date short (approximately 45 minutes) and be sensible. If your date continually suggests that you go somewhere private, be cautious.

Is Late or Cancels the Date Again
It is alright if your date is reasonably late, life does happen. But if they are very late or have canceled the date more than once then it is time to throw in the towel. More than likely they are too busy for a “potential” relationship or they are just not that interested in you.

date is late
Photo by Kodomut

Their Profile or Information Does Not Match
If your date is nothing like the way they describe themselves or their profile information is not even similar to what they said, then you should be concerned. Either your date is insecure, a liar, or a fraud. Pay attention to your instincts, if you are questioning what was really said earlier then you are probably right.

Alcohol and Drugs
It is best to stay sober in order to keep your senses about you. If your date shows up drunk or is high on some type of drug, end the date quickly. If they are drunk on the first date then they may have a drinking issue.

Do Not Leave Personal Items Unattended
Always keep your personal items with you. If your date has roving eyes on your personal belongings it is a definite red flag.

Wandering Eyes or Crooked Neck
When your date cannot keep their eyes to themselves and get a crooked neck from staring at waiter or waitress or some other person, it is a good indicator that they do not care that much about you. When someone is interested in everyone that passes by, they usually are interested in everyone else or they can be egotistical.

Asking About Personal Information
Never share any of your personal information such as an address, phone number, birthdate, or birth place. Especially be on guard if your date is insistent on wanting personal information; identity theft does happen. Sometimes information is gathered by using false pretenses such as asking for your address so they can send you flowers.

Ask For Money
If your date asks for money, heed caution. Whether the money is for a charity, a sick grandmother, or a child, it is always a sign to exercise caution.

Talks about “Fate” or “Destiny”
It is a red flag if your date talks about how you were meant to be together and destiny or fate are mentioned often. Although our heart may long for “destiny”, more than likely it is not so. Either your date thinks that this “line” will get them their catch, or they are desperately lonely. But for whatever reason, be sensible.

Says or Hints at “I Love You”
Showing strong affection towards quickly is a red flag to watch for. There are many reasons for people to “rush in” such as loneliness, insecurity, or dishonesty. It takes time to fall in love. Always question the when excessive or unwelcome affection occurs early.

Pressure for Sex
When someone constantly pressures you to have sex it is a big red flag, especially when the pressure comes on the first date. If you express your feelings of being uncomfortable with their advances and they continue, then they are dismissing your beliefs and values.

Rude Behavior
If your date is rude towards you, other people such as a waitress, or cashier; then more than likely it is a sign of how they will treat you. If rude comments are made about a roommate, coworker, ex-girlfriend, or sibling; they will probably show the same towards you in the future.

The Complainer
If your date consists of nothing but complaints about life, relationships and so on, then it is a heads up. This person could be selfish, egotistical, high maintenance, or simply not happy. If they are complaining now, then one can imagine how much they will complain as you get to know them.

Note: Listen to your instincts during the first few dates. One can never be too cautious. Although you can meet a lot of wonderful people through online dating; there is always someone that sends Red Flags. Take your time and get to know the other person. If it does not work out then that is absolutely fine, for not everyone is a potential partner. Just remember to watch out for Red Flags and be alert.

Mary is a contributing writer for Dating Advice Guy. She has been using online dating services off and on for approximately 5 years. In her adventures dating online, she has learned a lot. Through trial and error she has discovered what works for successful dating and what to be on the lookout for. She has not yet found the “one” yet, but has made some good friendships.

Mary’s opinions do not always match mine…but that’s a good thing! The more opinions the better. If you would be interested in contributing an article or an idea for an article, please feel free to contact me.



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