Online Dating Blog

How do you know when you’ve met someone special? How do you know when it is time to stop meeting others? These are two questions I get with some regularity from my readers. In this article I want to talk about some of the signs to look for when considering if you should pursue one person exclusively.

Photo by Courtney Carmody

Please note: for the purposes of this article, I am not discussing signs for when you should considering marrying someone or taking it to that “next level”. Instead, I’m going to talk about signs that point to the idea that it’s time to put all of your energy into getting to know one person better instead of continuing to dating many different people.

A Great Aspect of Online Dating Also Creates Confusion

Online dating is a great way to meet people and even the critics of online dating are getting quieter each year that passes. One of the biggest positives of online dating is the ability to talk with and meet many different people in a relatively short time period. This is great but this difference means that there are some dilemmas that you can run into that you might not see in old style of dating. The biggest difference is:

• In the old style of dating, finding a relationship is often unintentional or surprising or can even catch you off-guard. This is not to say you aren’t pursing finding a relationship, just that we often have less control than we might like with how often and how many people we are meeting. In other words, most of us are not actively pursuing chatting with half-a-dozen people that might turn into a relationship.
• With online dating, we often are talking with many singles at once and even having first dates with many different people in short periods of time.

The difference that online dating introduces, while good, creates the issue: when do I stop dating other people?

5 Signs It’s Time to Commit to Dating That “One” Person

With the above in mind, I wanted to describe some of the areas that I see as the strongest signs that you’ve met someone worth your full attention.

1. You Get Along Well Immediately
If you really hit things off it’s a great sign that you’ve found one person you should concentrate on. That sounds so obvious that it’s hardly worth mentioning but stick with me here on this one, there is a point:

Online dating can introduce the fear that there’s always something better around the corner. It’s like one of those old game shows where a contestant was shown one prize but then given the opportunity to reveal more prizes at the cost of giving up their first one. Many of the contestants couldn’t resist passing up what they had already found for what they might find next time. Believe it or not, some people have turned into serial-online-daters for this very reason. They’ve become more interested in the process or the next best thing instead of actually completing their original goal of finding a healthy, happy relationship.

So make sure this isn’t you. If you’ve been dating for months and find yourself passing up truly great opportunities, ask yourself why this is.

2. You Are Going Out of Your Way to Spend Time with Them
Are you canceling plan or clearing your schedule to have a coffee with this person? Are they shifting their schedule to better align with yours? Were you both anxious to plan your second date before the first one was over? All of these signs suggest it’s time to commit more time to this one person. In some ways, you’re already doing so…why not make it a decision instead of just a reaction?

In cases where this is happening, I’m sure many people have already decided they want to date the person exclusively they’re just not sure if it’s the “right” time or not. In cases where you are both making an effort to spend more and more time together, stop worrying and just make the choice you both want to.

3. Their Profile Disappears
May not seem like much but if their profile disappears there’s a good chance they’ve already made up their mind that you’re someone worth pursing further.

Now if their profile doesn’t disappear, don’t be discouraged. Everyone is different and if the profile is still there, that’s not a bad thing on its own. Also, it seems that women are quicker to make this type of move…I’m not arguing whether that’s good or bad but it is something to keep in mind.

4. They Express That They Enjoy Spending Time Together (And You Agree)
Again, sounds obvious but you need to be on the lookout for this because many people will be too subtle about expressing how they feel. There are all kinds of rules on not showing interest or not making yourself available. In most cases, though, they will reveal that they are having feelings for you.

5. Other Dating Begin to Feel Like Wasted Time
If you find on your other dates you’re thinking of someone else, it’s likely time to stop dating those other people. Normally first dates come with some form of nervousness. If your nerves disappear entirely because you’re thinking of someone else instead of the person you’re about to meet, that’s a pretty clear signal that you’ve found someone you could really care for.

I’ll say there is an exception to this one: if you’re not clear where they stand on how they feel about you, you probably want to continue dating. Sadly, strong emotions are sometimes a one way street. I would say that Sign 5 holds the most weight when you’re seeing some of Sign 4 already. If you’re getting mixed signals, keep your options open.

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In the old style of dating, things were different. As long as you along well after meeting in the “old” style, you are almost always encouraged to pursue the possibility of the relationship further. In many cases, it’s your only option so some level of commitment is given to concentrating on continuing to date that one person. Obviously this isn’t universally true but for many of us it has been the case.

With online dating, had you met the very same person you may not commit as quickly because you have 2 more dates scheduled and you want to see how they go. It’s a great thing really: you’re less likely to settle. However, we begin to second guess ourselves when we really have met someone special and really should put the breaks on meeting other new people.

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