Online Dating Blog

Some people think about dating online but put it off because they want to improve something about themselves before they start. I don’t have any statistics but I think it’s safe to assume the number one reason for this is to attempt to lose weight. Do I believe this is a good idea? Should a person lose weight before subjecting themselves to online dating?

In my opinion, the answer is no (with one small exception). Why is waiting a mistake?

• First, going on a diet is hard work and sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is whatever motivates us. I believe being a member of an online dating community is far more motivating than looking from the outside in. It’s a constant reminder that there are opportunities out there.
• Second, you might actually find someone who likes you regardless of your weight. You can’t expect this to happen every day but it still does happen. Sites like More to Love even cater to those who are over-weight and those who don’t mind dating someone who is.
• Third, the more you date the more comfortable you’ll become on your first dates. This is more important than you might think.

The one exception is based on a question: how well do you handle rejection? Because you’re going to have to deal with it. Even if you were thin as a rail you would have to deal with it. For those people out there who are hyper-sensitive to rejection, and especially those who are this way because of their weight, you may want to lose the weight before dating. One of the worst feelings with internet dating is not being contacted by anyone for an extended period of time. If you think this will depress you and only drive you away from dating, then better to not put yourself in that situation. You’re going to have to accept that online dating is often difficult and rejection is a real part of it.

As a side note, I did take my own advice when dating online. When I first started online dating:

• I was extremely thin (135 pounds at six feet tall). While women are more forgiving than men when it comes to looks, there are plenty of women who find this look unattractive to the point that they wouldn’t date me (I had one woman explicitly state this – ouch). Many women would prefer to date a man who is over-weight than under-weight so I am familiar with the idea of being rejected based on the frame of my body.
• I had braces and looked like I was 17 even though I was 25. This was a bigger problem than it might seem. When you want to date women your age but you look like you’re still in high school, the women are understandably hesitant.
• I was pasty white.

I suppose I was more “not” than “hot”…and the number of women contacting me (or, more correctly, not contacting me) showed that. However, I wanted to give myself every opportunity to meet someone…so I started dating immediately. Did I have a lot of success in the beginning? No. Did I stick with it? Absolutely. I took weight gainer, got the braces off about half-way through my online dating life, and started tanning regularly. As I improved these areas, my online dating success improved as well.

It’s worth mentioning that my looks weren’t the only thing improving: my online dating skills were as well (as is explained through my online dating guide). Had I waited to start dating until I was happy with my looks, I still would have been lost when it came to dating online. By dating actively, even though I wasn’t thrilled with my looks, I was giving myself both opportunity and experience. I believe that this approach was a big part of what led me to meet my wife.

I understand the desire to be your absolute best when dating online but the truth is, none of us are truly satisfied with how we look. If you’re not careful, you’ll always be finding a new reason to not put yourself out there.